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About Film & Animation / Professional Premium Member Doug ToltzmanMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Months
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MarshExplorer
Doug Toltzman
Artist | Professional | Film & Animation
United States
I mostly take photos for artistic and erotic expression. I shoot commercial video, and I also model for other photographers; mostly in bondage. I created a folder for my adventures as a bondage model. So, my gallery contains my work and photos of me by others. I am a software developer by trade who loves the outdoors; especially the water. I kayak wherever I can, and play in the mud whenever I can.
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Going out on the water in my kayak to enjoy the sunshine. Don't tell anyone.
Twilight on the beach by MarshExplorer
Twilight on the beach
I camped out on a barrier island, last night. I took some photos as the light was waning. I wanted some slow exposures of the breaking waves.
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A shrink once told me that I probably wasn't giving my partner the impression that I needed her, and that was why our relationship failed.

Now there is a dilemma for you! I think being needy is one of the most unattractive traits one can exhibit in a relationship. Then again, I understand that people want to feel useful, so I tried to convey to my more recent partners the value I placed on the relationship. That's the closest I could get to telling someone that I needed them.

I have a problem with that word. I define a "need" as something I must have to survive. There are very few things I really need, and those things are pretty basic. I surely don't need someone to cook for me, do my laundry, or share my bed. Mostly, I want someone with whom I can converse on a wide range of topics. However, that doesn't qualify as needing someone.

I don't like myself when I'm feeling needy, and I'm pretty sure other people don't like me, either. I tend to get pathetic when I know a relationship is falling apart and I'm feeling desperate. That falling apart thing is a recurring theme in my life. I do better with strong, independent people, because I am pretty much self sufficient, but I'm attracted to people who are in need of rescue. It never works out.

So, I understand the needing to be needed thing, but I don't quite get how to make someone else feel needed. I've been on my own for more years than I've had a partner, and I seem to function alright. There is nothing I can't do for myself, if it needs doing. That's not to say I don't relish having an intimate relationship. A committed partner is priceless, and I do my best to express my love and gratitude, but I don't need another person in my life to survive, or even to feel whole.

At the moment, I don't have a partner, or even any prospects. I don't have many opportunities to meet new people, and the kind of woman for whom I'm searching is a rare bird. I'm not holding my breath. I am getting on with my life and trying to make the most of every day.
  • Mood: Longing
  • Listening to: hard drives spinning
Backyard Retro by MarshExplorer
Backyard Retro
This photo was taken by Sara Whitlock on my camera in a rather spontaneous fashion. I wanted a photo of me in that outfit. I love those jeans.
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Journal History

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:icontunyuh:
tunyuh Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks
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:iconultimate-psycho:
Ultimate-Psycho Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
:iconfaven1:
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:iconhiddio:
Hiddio Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the fav!
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:icontakemydreams:
takemydreams Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the fav hun :)
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:iconcircledreams:
CircleDreams Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
:star::star::star: Thanks so much for your fav of "Caught in a State of Suspense!" :aww:
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:iconmarshexplorer:
MarshExplorer Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Thanks for writing it! I had the easy job.
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:iconcircledreams:
CircleDreams Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
...:aww:
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:iconsmoke-dymok:
smoke-dymok Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for watching! :)
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:iconpoisonmeforthefuture:
PoisonMeForTheFuture Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014
Im wrong on more levels than you'd understand :blowkiss:
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:iconswift-tiger:
Swift-Tiger Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
Thank you very much for the llama. :) :hug:
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