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About Film & Animation / Professional Premium Member Doug ToltzmanMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Months
11 Month Premium Membership
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Doug Toltzman
Artist | Professional | Film & Animation
United States
I mostly take photos for artistic and erotic expression. I shoot commercial video, and I also model for other photographers; mostly in bondage. I created a folder for my adventures as a bondage model. So, my gallery contains my work and photos of me by others. I am a software developer by trade who loves the outdoors; especially the water. I kayak wherever I can, and play in the mud whenever I can.


Going out on the water in my kayak to enjoy the sunshine. Don't tell anyone.
Twilight on the beach by MarshExplorer
Twilight on the beach
I camped out on a barrier island, last night. I took some photos as the light was waning. I wanted some slow exposures of the breaking waves.
A shrink once told me that I probably wasn't giving my partner the impression that I needed her, and that was why our relationship failed.

Now there is a dilemma for you! I think being needy is one of the most unattractive traits one can exhibit in a relationship. Then again, I understand that people want to feel useful, so I tried to convey to my more recent partners the value I placed on the relationship. That's the closest I could get to telling someone that I needed them.

I have a problem with that word. I define a "need" as something I must have to survive. There are very few things I really need, and those things are pretty basic. I surely don't need someone to cook for me, do my laundry, or share my bed. Mostly, I want someone with whom I can converse on a wide range of topics. However, that doesn't qualify as needing someone.

I don't like myself when I'm feeling needy, and I'm pretty sure other people don't like me, either. I tend to get pathetic when I know a relationship is falling apart and I'm feeling desperate. That falling apart thing is a recurring theme in my life. I do better with strong, independent people, because I am pretty much self sufficient, but I'm attracted to people who are in need of rescue. It never works out.

So, I understand the needing to be needed thing, but I don't quite get how to make someone else feel needed. I've been on my own for more years than I've had a partner, and I seem to function alright. There is nothing I can't do for myself, if it needs doing. That's not to say I don't relish having an intimate relationship. A committed partner is priceless, and I do my best to express my love and gratitude, but I don't need another person in my life to survive, or even to feel whole.

At the moment, I don't have a partner, or even any prospects. I don't have many opportunities to meet new people, and the kind of woman for whom I'm searching is a rare bird. I'm not holding my breath. I am getting on with my life and trying to make the most of every day.
  • Mood: Longing
  • Listening to: hard drives spinning
Backyard Retro by MarshExplorer
Backyard Retro
This photo was taken by Sara Whitlock on my camera in a rather spontaneous fashion. I wanted a photo of me in that outfit. I love those jeans.

Journal History


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tunyuh Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Ultimate-Psycho Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hiddio Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the fav!
takemydreams Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the fav hun :)
CircleDreams Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
:star::star::star: Thanks so much for your fav of "Caught in a State of Suspense!" :aww:
MarshExplorer Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Thanks for writing it! I had the easy job.
CircleDreams Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
smoke-dymok Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for watching! :)
PoisonMeForTheFuture Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014
Im wrong on more levels than you'd understand :blowkiss:
Swift-Tiger Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014
Thank you very much for the llama. :) :hug:
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